Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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