barbara walters just said penis...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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