My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
