I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
