Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
