6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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