Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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