you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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