I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize