aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
