are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
