I'm lost and stupid without you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
