Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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