She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
