I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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