No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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