Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
