What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
