she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
