you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
