a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
