when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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