Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
