you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
