so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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