Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
