Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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