just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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