The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
