my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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