Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
