So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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