I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
