sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
