Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dear god my vagina.
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