i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
