Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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