This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
