I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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