Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize