There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
