Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
bring money and cleavage
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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