do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fill condoms, not promises.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
