I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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