She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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