I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
