dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
