I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
