i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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