I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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