Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
