And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
