my soul wont recognize me after tonight
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
