Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
