My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
