I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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