My friends, they love my intelligence
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
