what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
