dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
