Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
